Awaiting Death
by forbidden.apple
Summary: Ever wondered what would happen when the day Bella is changed FINALLY comes? Will she go through with her decision and be with her new family, and of course Edward, forever? Or will fear and guilt get in her way for leaving everything behind? R:T Incase
1. Prologue

**Hey guys! This is my first Fan-fic, and i just thought i'd write about what i think Bella's long awaited day of becoming a vamp would be like. Hope you like it!**

**I DO NOT own any of the characters in this story...Stephenie Meyer does! :D**

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**PROLOGUE**

I knew what it would feel like, the pain. I'd felt it before, that time James had bitten me. The burning fire that had engulfed my hand had spread to the very tips of my fingers. I felt as if my finger nails would burn off. I flinched at the thought. And, just as I thought the pain couldn't get worse, it started to slowly creep up my forearm, the burning sensation growing worse with every inch. I thought that my body wouldn't be able to take the pain and I'd slowly die instead. I guess that was what was happening. My body was dying slowly and painfully as if in the fiery depths of _hell_, preparing for the so-called eternal _soulless_ life.

But _he_ saved me. Saved me from the unbearable pain. The pain that made me wish for death. Edward sucked out the venom. He sucked out my blood, and gradually the fire started to slowly die down.

_Funny_, I thought, today it would happen all over again. But this time, it way my decision to go through it. To go through the same pain all over again once more. For the burning to engulf my whole body. To long for death all through the three days the fire burned me away. Yes, it was my decision. But in a way, I suppose I was _happy_.

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**PLEASE review 'cause I really want to know what you all think! All criticism welcome!**


	2. Cloudy Mornings

**Alright, so here's Chapter One of Awaiting Death. Enjoy!**

**All characters used in this Twilight Fan-fic belong to the amazing Stephenie Meyer...**

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**1. CLOUDY MORNINGS**

I opened my eyes to the cloudy grey sky outside my window. Small droplets of rain trickled down the glass, leaving a clear path on the thin layer of condensation that was left behind. _Would I ever see the sun again?_ I wondered. _Would I ever be able to stand in its beautiful rays again, soaking up its warmth? Would I ever be warm again?_ I knew the answer to the last question.

I sat up in my bed, and then dizzily stood to clean it. I never made my bed, but who knew when I'd ever be using it again? After I got dressed in my favourite white eyelet top and a pair of jeans –the same outfit I wore as a farewell gesture coming to my new home in forks-, I hobbled down stairs, tripping on a rug as I went, to eat breakfast. _Breakfast…_

I sat at the table eating my favourite cereal. I never thought that my breakfast would ever seem so special. Today it was. It may be the very last time I eat, as a human that is. I put my dishes away in the sink and washed them slowly. Quite a few things came to my mind then. Thoughts that usually related to: _the last time…_ My mind was acting as if death was approaching, and it was savouring every last second I had, saying goodbye to my day to day activities like washing the dishes.

I glanced at the clock across the room, above the fireplace. 9:48, it read. Charlie had already left for work. _Charlie_. The name hit me like a wave and sadness suddenly shrouded me. I was going to Alaska for college. Charlie said his farewells to me last night. The thought would never have occurred to him that it may be the very last time he ever saw of me. Tears began to weld up in my eyes.

_"Wow Bells," he said, "You're finally moving off to college tomorrow!"_

_"Yes, dad."_

_"And to Alaska!" he was over-doing the proud father character._

_"Dad I'll miss you heaps…"_

_"I'll miss you too." He took me into his arms and hugged me. Charlie had never expressed his feelings this way. I began to tear up, although tried to keep it low. He had no idea how big this last goodbye was._

Tears began to flow down my cheeks now, as I thought of what that would do to my father. He'd be alone, again. My mother would feel devastated if she never saw me again. Their daughter, who was just happily married, would be like she suddenly disappeared. Just about everyone I know would prbably think I was dead. I guess I would be, in a way.

I slowly walked to the couch and collapsed into it. More tears began to flood from my eyes. _Relax_, I told myself, and checked the time through my watery eyes. It was almost ten and Edward would be here to pick me up, to take me to his beautiful home where he and his family awaited me. Or should I say my new family.

I stared at the black TV screen in front of me. I was happy that I would finally be able to be like the Cullens, to stay with them, to stay with Edward, forever. Everything had gone according to plan. I'd stuck to my side of the deal and now it was Edward's turn to go through with his. But then why was I crying? I couldn't help but think of all the troubles I would cause. I would cause all this grief for my family and friends from my drastic move to Alaska. The pack would cause destruction if they knew their _enemies_ had broken the treaty. But most of all, the thing that troubled me most was that Jacob would be miserable and that would be heart-breaking. I still couldn't believe he had run away. And it was my entire fault.

Was I acting completely selfish? To burden all I loved with misery and confusement to be with another? More tears flowed from my eyes. Why was it, that all along I was so sure of what I would do, of my future? Now when the time came, I doubted myself completely? Anger at myself swept over me. For the first time in my life, I was utterly unsure and afraid of this decision I was making to be with the one I loved.

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**Well, I hope you liked chapter one! Please Review!**


	3. Friendly Visit

**Chapter Three! Who comes to visit Bella? Is it for better or for worse? ENJOY!**

**All Twilight Characters used in this Fan-fic belong to Sephenie Meyer**

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**2. FRIENDLY VISIT**

"Bella?"

I jumped when I heard his voice.

"I'm sorry Bella, are you okay? I didn't mean to frighten you like that."

"Oh no, I'm fine!" I lied

In less then a second he was beside me on the couch, gazing intently into my eyes.

"Bella…"

"I'm fine, really!" I attempted to lie once again. He saw right through me.

His arms tightened around me as he hugged me closer. His hand ran through my hair. I couldn't help the new load of tears that soon ran down my face. _Ridiculous…_

"Oh Bella, you don't have to go though with this. I'd be happy for you to wait a few more weeks, or months, or even years would be-"

"No!" I yelled as I backed away from him, he let his arms drop. His eyes were confused. I nestled back into his arms. I'd had this conversation with him so many times before.

"Then what's wrong?" he asked after a minute of silence passed. "Bella, you don't understand how frustrating this is, not telling me what you're thinking."

I sighed. "I'm just…well, I'm sort of afraid –but not because of becoming a vampire…but because I guess I'm afraid to leave everything, everyone, behind." More stupid tears began to flow. Leaving_ everyone…_

He sat silent.

"This is silly," I continued, "Let's just go."

"No, Bella," He said as he held me in place, stroking my hair, "I don't want you to do this unless you're completely ready….and let's face it, I don't think you are. Not right now that is."

"Yes I am! I'm ready to become a Cullen!" I said standing up. He looked at me but I couldn't decipher his eyes…

"Well, I'm just not exactly ready to leave…" I didn't want to leave things the way they were. Wasn't there away to get what I wanted –to become a vampire- and not ruin the lives of my family and friends?

Edward's expression changed to irritation and worry. Was it something I said?

"Edward-"

He cut me off. "Bella, there's someone who wants to speak with you," he said stiffly.

"What? Who?" I asked but his lips were already against mine. When we parted –too soon- he smiled my favourite crooked smile. Then his nose wrinkled and he was gone.

The door swung open, thumping into the wall.

"BELLA!" he yelled. Hearing his familiar voice once again was so comforting. He almost ran past me towards the kitchen but then embarrassingly backtracked as he noticed where I stood. He was wearing just a pair of cargo board shorts as he came forward. His hair was longer and looked more wild as the rain had made it shoot up in random places. His russet-skin had droplets of water trickling down it.

"Bella…" he breathed.

"Jacob…?" I was stunned to see him.

He came closer and hugged me in one of his bear hugs, my feet lifted off the floor.

"Ja-cob I ca-not br-ea-the!" He put me down onto the my feet. I hadn't seen Jake in so long. He smiled and I smiled back.

"Jake I can't believe you're back! But why? I mean what made you think of coming back?"

"I missed you…" he answered simply.

I stood in silence.

"Well, I decided it was time to come back anyway. I really did need a shower…"

I giggled. "You were right," I said as I pinched my nose. He smiled his wide smile but then his expression suddenly became pained.

"This is a bad time isn't it..." He said, I noticed the subtle ache in his eyes. It wasn't a question. "Well, I guess I should go soon…Bells I just wanted to say that I've done a real lot of thinking and I know that you're seriously in love with that bloodsucker," he cringed at the thought, "but I don't want to have to act like we hate each other for the rest of our lives."

"Jacob…" was all I could mumble.

"You'll still be Bella -maybe not in the exact same way- but I'm not going to stay away from you because you've chosen _this_ life and, well, as much as I've tried –and I really have tried my hardest- I can't do much 'bout it to change it. You've made your decision…"

His expression was thoughtful, as if trying really hard to figure out a maths equation.

"I've learnt to accept it while I was gone…" he mumbled difficultly. This –I knew- was killing him inside. To stand back and let it all happen. To stop trying because you know you can't change it…to finally _give up_…

He looked up at me, his expression was so hurt it made my heart ache. I put my arms around him and leaned against his warm chest.

"Thank-you Jake…" I murmured as I began to sob –again. I was so glad that he'd come back. I didn't want to leave things the way they were. At least now I knew he didn't completely despise me.

We stayed like that for what seemed like hours.

"By the way…." he said, his voice less troubled. I looked up. "I came to _your_ _wedding_."

"You what…!?" I shrieked curiously although slightly embarrassed.

"Yep!"

I blushed at the thought of _my wedding_. The thought that I had tried to repress in the last few days.

"You looked…pretty," he said shyly.

"Well thanks, Jake."

"I meant….beautiful."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"To many people were there…I didn't want to cause a commotion, or embarrass you even more."

"Oh."

I sighed. I couldn't hold it in much longer. I had to tell him, before he left. I just hoped that this wouldn't anger him or make him run off again.

"Uh…Jake, how do I say this…"

"What's up?"

"Um, do you know what day it is?" _Stupid…of course he doesn't know what's happening, nobody does._

"Actually I've lost track of the days since I left…." He smiled but then his face froze as he realised my anxious expression.

"Oh, I had a feeling that day would be coming," he said slightly gloomy. His controlled reaction and guess took me by surprise.

"What do you think?" I asked.

"Today is the day…you become one of…_them_."

"Yes." His body was still quite calm. "Impressive," I said under my breath.

"Huh?"

"Oh, I'm just shocked at how calm you are…"

"I was gone a while," he said smiling.

"Were you meditating under waterfalls and wrestling with bears or something?" I joked.

"Ha ha," He said sarcastically. At least he was in a pretty good mood.

"So Jake, you think I'll see you in a few days?" He stiffened and I was ready for his fury but he relaxed in an instant.

"Maybe…"

"I hope you will."

"Me too," he answered. "You know what'll happen though won't you?"

I cringed. The pack down at La Push….

"Bella, I'll try to get them to relax. Try not to hurt you."

"And the Cullens?"

He was silent for a while.

"Jacob, please. They _are_ my family now."

"I'll try."

"Thanks Jake. I know you can do this," and with that I hugged him again. He would try.

"Y'know Sam won't be happy about this one bit, he'll be absolutely furious. I might have to try and hold him down even…The old guys would probably stick with the treaty and all, but I reckon I can get my dad on my side. Seth wouldn't dare hurt you either…and I could probably bribe Quill and Embry too… " he said deep in thought. Then he looked up at me.

"I don't really want anyone to get hurt though," I said.

"Don't worry Bella. I _am_ second in charge, besides, I was supposed to be the _leader_ of the pack anyways…"

"Thanks again."

"No worries Bella, just don't forget to visit okay? I guess I could put up with the smell. And call me once in a while, just so I know you're okay. If you ever feel like coming back feel free…on second thought, a bit of warning wouldn't hurt," he said cheerfully.

"I'll miss you, Jake." I was crying now. Of course I would call him, but I wouldn't be able to visit him for a while. Not until it was truly safe.

"I better go now," he said.

"Jake, don't go."

"Don't worry Bells, I'll see you."

"Promise?"

"I Promise."

And then he was gone. I fell onto the couch.

"Bella…"

He appeared beside me and held me closer to him. Only a few tears welded up in my eyes. But not so much because I was sad. He kissed my hair. At least I had cleared up things with Jake. He was happier. I was happier, and I would be forever as long as Edward stood by my side.

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**Hope you liked it! I never thought the day would come when I wrote about...Jacob. Please Review!**


	4. Last Minute

**This is just a short chapter but i had to include it to clear up some things. I wasn't originally supposed to have a chapter on Jacob but i just couldn't leave things between him and Bella the way they were...ENJOY!**

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**3. LAST MINUTE**

"So love, what do you want to do now?" he asked as he pulled me away to look into my eyes. His soft velvet voice mesmerised me.

"Uh, well…" What did I want to do today? The obvious answer was to tell him that I wanted him to change me today. That I was ready. But was I really? Then he kissed me softly as I thought and with that one kiss, I suddenly made up my mind.

"I want you to change me now." He smiled as I said this. "I'm serious Edward, I'm ready now. Jake's fine with it all, as you would already know...Everything has been planned and it won't make sense if I –we- go back on the plan now." He raised one brow.

"I told you once before that I didn't want anything to pressure you into choosing this life…"

"But nothing is pressuring me!"

"Bella, just an hour ago I found you crying over this whole issue. Yes, I know it's a big thing –the biggest decision you're most likely to make in your life- and I don't blame you for acting this way because I find it quite reasonable. But, what I don't understand is how you can change your mind so quickly…would it be better if you had more time?"

That was definitely a no. He could read that answer in my eyes instantly.

"Like I've said before, Edward, you're the only reason now. The reason why I've chosen this, and now I'm completely sure that this is the path I want to take. Nothing's pressuring me to do this now, this is a lone decision. There's nothing for me to worry about that could possibly force this on me. No more bad guys hunting me down," he stiffened at the thought and I smiled to help him relax, "I was just anxious before, my nerves took control last minute."

He looked at me unconvinced.

"Edward, I'm sure! I'm as ready as I'll ever be! I love you, and all I want to do is get the transformation over with so I can spend the rest of my life with you."

"Okay, Bella," he said. He smiled and then stood up. "Well then?"

"Let's go!" I answered cheerfully. I was ready. All I wanted to do now was to be with Edward. Deep down the transformation was something that frightened me but I couldn't even think of telling him that incase it triggered some sort of doubt in his mind. It was just three days, and after that I would get so much more in return. I would be with him forever.

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**Like always...Please Review! I love reading them like those in my other stories.**


	5. Heart Beat

**All i can say is...FINALLY! The moment has come! Enjoy!**

**Once again all the Twilight characters used in this Fan-fic belong to none other then Stephanie Meyer!**

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**4. HEART BEAT**

We drove to the Cullens' home quietly, my lullaby playing softly in the background in the new car stereo Edward had replaced for the one I destroyed a few years back -During my _dark_ days. When we arrived I couldn't help the rapid beating rate of my heart and Edward noticed it immediately.

"It'll be okay, love." Then he gave me an encouraging smile that only made me heart beat faster –if possible.

We walked up the porch steps hand in hand and entered the house. Carlisle was their waiting for us. I cringed. He was holding a plastic bag full of what I thought to be _needles… _I guessed they were for injecting the morphine into my body, to lessen the pain.

Alice was sitting on the white sofa beside Esme. She was bright and obviously excited about my becoming a vampire. Emmett stood beside them, a big grin on his face. Rosalie and Jasper were nowhere to be found. Obviously Rosalie had her reasons, as she had told me once before. She wasn't totally against my becoming a vampire, just _jealous_ –as Edward put it- because I was human. She thought that giving up my human life was ridiculous, and would give anything for it. The only reason I could think for Jasper's absence was that Edward was taking extra precautions because of when he lunged at me after I got a paper cut. I didn't understand why it would still bother him, we'd been through so much greater things then that.

I looked over my _family-in-law_ once again. All there light topaz eyes gazed at me. Their beauty always intimidated me and the thought of soon becoming like them –with their beauty and grace- made me feel more pleased. The one vampire who stood out the most in the room was the boy with the reddish-brown hair who gazed at me more intently than the rest. My Edward. His golden honey eyes were more distinctive than his family's and his gorgeous smile dazzled me yet again. I knew the reason for the extra lightness in his eyes –another precaution.

"My room," said Edward, obviously answering Carlisle's mind question. Carlisle nodded and then disappeared in a blur.

He held my hand as he guided me to his room. Carlisle was already there, setting up instruments unknown to me that would better suite a hospital room than that of Edward's.

"I love you," he murmured softly into my ear.

"I love you too," I answered.

Carlisle nodded towards Edward. It was time…

He kissed my lips intently and yet passionately. His hand slid down my back and around my waist. My hands shook as I knew what was coming. _Death_ in a way was approaching.

My instincts told my to run away –normal people would have fled immediately- but I just stood there, almost unmoving but with the exception of my trembling. I couldn't turn away. I_ wanted_ to give up my human life. I _wanted_ this so-called _dangerous creature_ to take it. I loved him and I was prepared to give it all to be with him, forever.

His lips moved to my neck. I trembled even more if it was possible. A part of my mind was screaming at me to flee but I couldn't. I wouldn't. I was giving up life itself for the one that I loved so dearly. Life as a human seemed like such a small price to pay to spend eternity with him. I would get so much more in return. I was awaiting death, but I was ready. I was happy…

My heart beat its very last time. And then, he bit me.

"Edward…" was all I could murmur before the venom kicked in.

I screamed out in agony as I fell to the floor on my knees. The pain had begun. My neck felt like it was on fire. It felt as if my skin was slowly and very much painfully burning away. A fire was burning me alive. I cried out in agony once again.

"Edward!" I screamed. He picked me up onto the bed and held me closely in his arms as I continued to cry out in pain.

"Bella, I'm sorry…" He murmured. Why was he sorry? This _is_ what I wanted.

I screamed out again. The pain was slowly moving down to my shoulders, spreading to the rest of my body. It worsened with every inch, the burning sensation growing ever so slightly until I didn't think I could take it any longer. I closed my eyes and I couldn't stop myself from crying out again. The pain was too much. I didn't care that I probably sounded like an idiot. It was too much…

"Kill me!" I cried, "Edward…Kill me!"

I heard sobbing in the background. Was that my love?

"Kill me!" The pain unbelievably grew worse, "Edward I'm begging you! Please!"

He did not answer. I began thrashing around in his arms until he released me from his grip. I lay on his bed crying out in agony. My hands were so tightly clenched into fists that I could of sworn that my nails had dug into my skin so much that I had made my palms bleed. It was all so painful that I didn't even realise that I had stopped breathing. I took in a gasp of air –though I realised I didn't need it.

I could hear the sound of voices. It seemed so distant what with all my screaming.

"The morphine Carlisle!" I heard one voice say. I could barely recognise it as Edward's, "It isn't helping!"

"It will take a while," another voice answered much more calmly.

Cold arms wrapped around me as I finally began to stop thrashing around as much. The morphine was finally kicking in –slightly.

"Edward…" I struggled out.

"I'm here, love. I won't leave you. I promise." He held me closer in his arms. "It will get better. You can get through this. I know you can. I love you, Bella. I love you."

Pain jolted down through my spine down my back as I took in his words. I could do this. It was worth it because when it was over, I would spend the rest of my long immortal life with him. We'd be together for the rest of eternity.

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**Well like always, Please Review! I really hope you liked this chapter. I actually never expected any of my stories to get past THREE chapters so, yay me!...XD**


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